On Saturday, a friend and I went shopping in Vernon, about an hour and a half away. Originally, we were going to celebrate her birthday however, with all that's been happening lately, the trip was quite possibly more about saving my sanity than her birthday. Either way, we had a great day.
One of the stores we went to was the Salvation Army thrift shop where I bought two scarves, one to wear and one to refashion. Exiting the store, I noticed a prayer box set up on a small table along the outside wall. It's not in my typical nature to utilize a resource like that but I took one of the small pieces of paper, wrote a note, and dropped it in the box.
All I need
In this time
Thank you Lord
It's interesting how life can be going along in one direction and suddenly take a radical shift and how once we've made that shift, and we're seeing through a different filter, the experiences start to make better sense. Life at our house has been tense for a long time in an escalating manner that got really ugly this past week. I've been praying for answers and God, being typically God, answered in one of those if you won't get it with this little nudge, I'm going to hit you over the head with a whammy kind of ways.
The picture above is of a rose that Howard gave me in the middle of a devastating argument. He couldn't understand why I was upset at his news. As the argument worsened, I threw it back at him. I've since retrieved it and am drying the petals to put in a vase that he bought me on a holiday to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. When we were dating, Howard bought me a rose every week. It meant I love you. This weekend, I've realized that the issue we're going through isn't personal. Something weird, something medical, is going on. We have an appointment with a doctor on November 1st to see what we're dealing with.
I was already exhausted and now that there's been a paradigm shift, I'm emotionally much calmer and thankful for this new understanding but I'm still exhausted at the start of what looks to be an interesting journey. On Saturday, when I sat down to do my bible study, I wondered why I was bothering because this particular study didn't seem like it was going to match the new situation... but I did it anyway... because that's what I had in front of me... and that day's portion was about dealing with disappointment when life doesn't go the way you expected. Sunday's portion was about how God will meet our needs in a way that is unique to us. Apparently, I should keep reading.
The first thing we're going to do is reduce stress as much as possible while realizing that when you make those kinds of decisions, there are always ramifications. Reducing work hours reduces income and that impacts. And that's life. Howard needs to work less and his employers need to rely on him less, especially after hours.
I need to do whatever is energy gathering - like meditative knitting - because reducing Howard's stress will increase mine as I take on concerns I have no answers to. God does... which is good... because I promised Howard that we can stay in this house and I have no idea if I can keep that promise.
If you are praying for us, please pray for answers as quickly as possible, energy to deal with the situation, and solutions in areas of concern and particularly in the area of finances. I am asking for a God size miracle - for our mortgage to be paid off, in full, asap. I want to know that no matter what else happens, we have our home and I can keep my promise.
Right now, that's all Howard and I are willing to share in public. Even though I'm not talking about it, you'll know this concern is swirling in the background. When I have news I can share, I will. Until then, I plan to keep blogging and it may seem at times as if I'm nattering on about nothing and not really doing much. Please hang in there with me. I enjoy writing and the need to have something to write about helps me to continue to be creative. Right now, that's important.
I've delayed my trip to Calgary so Howard can come with me. We're leaving this coming Friday. There won't be a posting that day, possibly not on the Monday either. THANK YOU for your concern. It is much appreciated.
Talk soon - Myrna
Grateful - whammies