Tuesday, March 18, 2014

The Hem

It's really rather fascinating how a developing piece can talk to you. Even a decade ago, if someone had said something like that to me, I'd have thought they were off their rocker and now I willing admit that my pieces talk... and I listen... and it's strangely wonderful.
This piece did not want a complicated hem. Not binding. Not a wider lace. Not a turned up hem. Just something simple like this delicately gathered 1/4" lace. It's gathered to an elastic, originally intended for lingerie. It looks good here.

The hem was finished Sunday night. Yesterday, it took me all day to read a book that would normally have taken a couple hours. Other than to check email, I didn't even go in the studio. There's a lot going on in what I refer to as the mess of the rest of my life. It's intriguing that there are two groups of people: those who are more interested in me staying married and those who are more interested in me staying sane. The commonality of the later group is experience with chronic illness and its ramifications. Sometimes, you'd rather not have things in common.

If I don't sew today, I'll have nothing to post tomorrow and -  LOL - hopefully that's incentive enough. We'll see. I'm still trying to figure out the collar and no great ideas are appearing although I have been debating turning the pleats on the sleeve cap the other way and that would give me some place to start. Maybe the collar is waiting patiently.

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - the later group


  1. "It's intriguing that there are two groups of people: those who are more interested in me staying married and those who are more interested in me staying sane. The commonality of the later group is experience with chronic illness and its ramifications. Sometimes, you'd rather not have things in common."

    Myrna, please accept a big hug. I am not surprised that a lot of people think you should just bail. As you can tell from my wording, i'm not inherently in favor of the idea, though i know from long, brutal experience how tough it can be to deal with chronic illness. But i'm old school, i think people should do what they can to stay together, and just because i can't go sky diving with you (or, recently, missed a couple of concerts in SF) doesn't mean i think it means oh my goodness well there's no relationship here! To be clear, i'm not for a minute saying that is your attitude, in fact i'd be dumbfounded if it were :) !!! But it's a pretty common attitude here in the USA around this type of situation.

    At the same time, i know how hard chronic illness is. You have to make accommodations, and it does truly change who you are and the relationship you have. I can definitely see where it would get to the point where a person would see that they had to leave so that they too did not become destroyed by the illness. I feel it is completely wrong for that to happen - one person getting beat up by some disease is bad enough. The worst part, at least here in the USA, is that there are such huge financial and practical burdens put on people with illness, very little safety net, and the culture is so shallow. "What, they're not pulling in the big bucks and can't go jet skiing? Dump 'em, they're dead weight!" Not helpful when you love the other person and the life you have together is being stolen by an awful disease.

    One time i was in the ER (i had Lyme disease that invaded the central nervous system, i was experiencing arthritis and seizures) and a nurse/assistant was trying to pick up on me (while i was on a gurney waiting to be taking into get a CAT scan or something other test). I let him know i was married and he said something along the lines of 'that's really great, a lot of people with bad illnesses just get dumped.' Nice. Great pickup strategy you have there, guy. /snark in case it wasn't blindingly obvious

    All i can tell you as far as 'advice' is to be true to who you are and who you want to be. When you look back on how you live your life, what do you want to see? What will you be able to live with? No one knows that like you do, and no one has the right to push or judge you. None of us are with you 24/7, none of us can see in the center of your heart. I don't envy you one bit. I can tell you you're not alone and people do make it through, one way or the other :) take care, steph

  2. Myrna I second tinyjunco's comments. I have a son who is autistic and diabetic, although high functioning I have to be there to help him with health and financial decisions. My husband helps, but is away most of the year so I do most of the work.

    I have found many helpful organization that provide respite for me and for him. No young man wants to have his mother around all of the time. He likes having other people his own age to do things with.

    When you need help reach out to the many organizations out there that can provide respite, it really helps to have that safety net. Chronic illnesses are cyclic good and bad days and when in a bad phase that respite is a god send.

    Good luck and hang in there.

  3. So often well-meaning people give advice, rather than an ear. Somehow I think that your creative mind and heart will see many avenues between the black and white. Warm wishes....

    1. Yes. Sane and happily married would be a lovely grey. It's so true that we have no idea what someone is going through until we walk in their shoes and even then we would only be walking in similar shoes not identical ones.

    2. She's a wise woman that Elle. If you need to read rather than sew, so be it. It seems most people will find the solution that is right for themselves, but usually need to talk it through to see it rather than be given the answer. I hope you have some good outlets and find your path.

  4. I agree with Elle. Most of the time, advice to "go" or "stay" is driven by the advice-giver's personal perspective and experience (and, especially, level of discomfort with the issue or the amount of ambiguity). You need people who will hear you out and support you no matter what you decide. Best to you...

  5. Gigantic hugs. Be kind to yourself.

  6. I've had to let this marinate overnight. Now when I read comments, it's interesting that those pointing out the tendency of couples to split up when one has a chronic illness *seem* to put the blame on the healthy spouse. There's also the possibility that the ill spouse drove the other away ("you deserve better" or relentless self pity), or that it was a mutual split for financial reasons. Sometimes it's a matter of the healthy spouse being totally ignored by everyone else, that all their energies must be focused on the ill spouse, heaven forbid they got to a show or have a hobby of their own for for a few minutes a day. And no matter what the reason for splitting, I suspect it's going to be the healthy spouse made out to be the "bad guy".

    Myrna, all I can say is (((hugs))) and take care of your self. Remember, even on airplanes, they tell the parents "in case of emergency, put on your own mask first". It seems odd or selfish at first, but you can't take care of those who depend on you if you're in deep trouble yourself.

    That hem is just right for the coat! I'm glad you learned to listen to your projects

  7. Huge Hugzz to you Myrna,We have not met in person but i feel a connection through your posts.Only you know what your going through and how much you can take.Having a chronic illness certainly turns our life upside down .It changes us and in turn our spouses have to decide to accept our new selves or not.Im one of the lucky ones after 25 years married and 10 years diagnosed with fibromyalgia my illness has shown me how strong my husbands love for me is.But it took a lot of adjustments in both our expectations.If you ever need to vent feel free to contact me....Mitch1066 (at) gmail.com or on facebook


Thanks for commenting. I appreciate the feedback and the creative conversation.