... I caved and did something I almost never do - asked for medication. The anti-anxiety drug my doctor prescribed has worked wonders. In fact, there have been times since when a good cry was what I really wanted and it's darn hard to cry on those things. They've really helped me cope.
At first I wasn't hungry and actually lost weight and then - over the last few months - I've been packing on the pounds to the point that I've reached an all time high, numbers I've never seen before and hope to never see again. This is not the kind of "personal best" most of us are aiming for. Being this heavy is incredibly uncomfortable both physically and emotionally. Something has to change. I either need to tone up and lose weight or acquire an entirely new wardrobe because I'm at the edge of all my big clothes. I'd prefer to tone up and lose weight.
Yesterday, I researched the clean eating approach because it eliminates many of the foods I'm already sensitive too. If you've tried this way of eating, I'd love to hear your opinion. It seems it could also help with my goal to learn more about cooking and - from what I've read - it's important to incorporate exercise. Now that I have a dog that needs to be walked regularly, that should be less of a problem but I'm definitely a fair weather walker. Right now, we - as in Miss Chloe and I - have been taking a long walk in the mornings and a shorter one in the evenings. Hopefully, I can carry on with that when the cold weather comes.
One of the things that's so much better these last seven months is the work in the studio. Once the crying quite and I calmed down, I started putting a lot of emphasis on skill development including my two trips to Oregon. Before, I couldn't seem to push myself to do the work and the days were filled with endless, empty hours and now, I have so many ideas that there's not enough time in the day to get them all done. This is good. It's energizing. A fabulous bonus if you have to take drugs when you're not a take drugs kind of person.
Yesterday, I cut out the Vogue 8934 coat and then sewed up the underarm seams on the polka dot sweater that I'd painted the day before. Now that I have some experience, the next time I take a sweater apart I'll do a better job but right now, it's painted and back together and turned out not half bad for a sweater that was "ruined" by running dots. Once I pulled the tape off, there were a few places to touch up and in other areas I spritzed some black paint to imitate runs and achieve better balance of the grey tones. All in all, it's pretty great for a first try if I say so myself.
Talk soon - Myrna
Grateful - a now wearable sweater
We are made anxious by a life filled with too much velocity. But a life with too little velocity also hinders us. Great swaths of time before us can be intimidating. Relieved of any excuse, we feel pressured to perform. Instead, we are often most productive when we have limited time.
- Julia Cameron.