A few weeks ago, Michaels had art canvasses marked down 60%. After my experience with the XOX painting, I've decided to experiment with painting paintings so I bought several canvasses and yesterday, I bought an easel that was also marked down 60%. Trying painting is something I want to do and at the same time, it's something I've never thought about doing until now. It's so interesting how things can shift and change.
In my last coaching session with Diane, we talked about my need to focus on what I want - both out of life in general and specifically in my areas of interest. What do I want? is actually a hard question. It tantalizes and yet it's difficult to put my thoughts into words probably because much of what we - I - want is more feeling than fact, more live in peace than build a bridge.
What do I want? is not only my question, it's the question that we've been spending a lot of time talking about at our house in the past week especially. After many years and many specialists and an extraordinary amount of tests and hypothesis that didn't pan out, Howard has been given a diagnosis and it's ugly and invasive and ultimately deadly and yet it's no different from most of us in that he could have ten minutes or ten years. We don't know. What we do know is that it's unlikely we'll be retiring together so we - and especially he - need to do what we want to do which is why....
... we're in the process of booking a Grand European Tour from Amsterdam to Budapest that includes fifteen days, five countries, three rivers, thirteen guided tours, and an additional three nights in Prague. Visiting Europe and taking a cruise are activities that Howard has wanted to do for a while. We've put it off in part because I dislike flying long distances and because I am definitely not a cruise person... at least not an ocean cruise person. Now that we're talking about it, I'm excited about a river cruise. I've heard the longships are so gentle you don't even know that the boat is moving and we'll be able to watch the shoreline from our private balcony, stop often, touch land daily, and have lots to see and do.
In September, I started creativity coaching with Diane and in October, I started working on challenge projects with my friend Sheri. I'm grateful for both. Creativity coaching is exactly what I need right now and the challenges are fabulous for keeping me energized and somewhat focused in the studio. This is good. I love when just what you need appears at just the right moment. That's such a gift.
While I can't answer some of the big what do you want? questions, I can answer some of the smaller ones about learning, sewcations, and connecting with other creative women. I am going to Sew Expo at the end of February and to the Design Outside the Lines retreat in Ashland in early June. Both let me shop, learn, and connect. This too is good.
The focus of the retreat this year is The Perfect Summer Dress. There won't be enough time between the workshop and the cruise to do much sewing but I will be sewing beforehand and dresses will definitely feature. My next challenge is contrast and asymmetry. I'm thinking about a black and white dress using the knits I stenciled at the painting workshop in September.
One of the questions Diane and I talked about this past session was should I be taking all the product ideas that are floating around in my head and pushing myself forward with a business or should I be letting them sit and gestate... as in... would pushing be better for me or would resting be better for me? When I ask the yes and no question - do I want to start a business right now? - the answer is no. Diane advised me to think of these "baby" products as starts and to allow them to sit and wait until the time is right. I think that's good advice. Meanwhile, I'm focusing on growing my skill set and playing with projects that engage me.
My next coaching assignment is to write about and send pictures of 3-5 starts - things that have a beginning but no defined end. I tend to work on one project at a time so that will be hard but it will also be stretching and stretching is good. I have one start already - this female form that I created ten years ago by heating Fosshape over a plastic half mannequin. I'd really love to take it forward and I know what the next step is and that's enough. That's a start. Perhaps this is cheating - VBG - oh well. I have a few other ideas tickling that I'll need to get to quickly since my next session is on the 5th and there are all the holiday celebrations in-between.
It doesn't look like my daughter and her family are going to make it for Christmas. They were planning to leave today from Calgary only the road will be closed for avalanche control for five hours and then "they" say to expect a two hour delay plus Environment Canada issued a weather warning for a major snowstorm. I'd love to see them however, safe and warm in their own home is much better than stuck in a snow pile. We'll hopefully get together in January.
I plan to sleep in and move slow for most of the holidays. I've decided not to post again until January 5th since I'm having such a hard time getting anything done in the studio BUT... I will be thinking about some questions - like Diane's coaching questions - that came up in my current spiritual study, Wide Awake by Erwin Raphael McManus. The book is about not sleeping through our lives, about not settling for good instead of fighting for great, and about living passionately. If you're like me, the questions will have you thinking for quite a while. I'd love to hear your thoughts if you want to share.
What am I curious about?
What do I want?
What am I to become?
What will I embrace?
What must I face?
Am I ready to live?
I wish you a Merry Christmas and all the best in the New Year. Thank you so much for sharing this journey with me. I love the way that we can connect through our creativity and inspire, support and encourage each other. That too is a gift.
Talk soon - Myrna
Grateful - a diagnosis we can make decisions around
You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away.
- C. JoyBell C.