July is the first month in years and years - beyond memory - without a stitch of sewing although thankfully I had knitting. Without any making at all, I'd be a very crabby woman and I am absolutely positive that my family is grateful for two sticks and some string to keep me sane.
The purchase of the house in Salmon Arm was subject to an inspection which was scheduled for this past Monday. After searching every nook and cranny, we decided it was a solid house with great potential and have gone ahead with the purchase. Possession is mid September.
While my husband and sons were away last week on their annual holiday, I cleaned every box, basket, drawer, cupboard, and closet in the house pulling out what I could to take with me. It's amazing how you can remove almost an entire household of stuff and still leave behind an entire household of stuff without visible holes. Who knew we had that much especially since I'm not a keeper... except in my studio.
It's the space with the most. I've started packing and already there are a lot of "studio" boxes stacked in the front room and I've barely made a dent. I do like seeing everything I have, touching it, and thinking about what it could become. I have a LOT of potential and that's good... however... I haven't been exploring that potential the way I'd like to - digging in, discovering, and doing - which is probably why the quote below really resonated.
What information consumes is rather obvious: it consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention. - Herbert Simon
Several of the significant growth periods in my artistic life have revolved around using what I already have in the studio. There something about making do with what's there that prompts new answers. Growth has also come through new learning which is only valuable when implemented. Since 2012 when I started to attend the Design Outside the Lines retreats, I've gathered a lot of information and inspiration and now what I really want is to sit down, work with it, and see where it leads me creatively. I'm looking forward to getting back into routine once I move. I've decided not to attend another retreat this fall or to go to Sew Expo next year. I'm looking forward to some extended time to play, make mistakes, experiment, learn, and grow.
For now, my studio will be in the basement but eventually it'll move outside. When we looked at the ad for the house, it showed the picture above left and called the building a garage. I thought it was ugly and rather useless and intended to pull it down until I saw the front. Now I love it.
The previous owner was a woodworker and he created this studio with the garage door to get projects and supplies in and out. It's 12' x 16' with electricity. When we have the time... and the money... to insulate it, finish the walls, bump out a closet, add water, and covert the door to a window, it'll become my studio.
I've never had a separate building for a studio but I've certainly dreamed about one. One of the things that is both scary and exciting about this move is how closely it matches "my perfect day". If you've done any kind of self help type studying, you've most likely been asked to write down your perfect day. And I have. Time and again. And it seemed to go nowhere so a few months ago when I came across that question again, I got mad and had a little chat with God about the question and the lack of answers and what was the point. Perhaps getting mad was part of the point because then things started to shift starting with a shift in my thinking.
One aspect I've always talked about in "my perfect day" is a calm setting. In Kamloops, we have a view of the valley and the city lights that is gorgeous but we also live on a main road with a lot of traffic. The new house backs on a pond and a series of walking trails that are maintained by the city. This is the view from the kitchen, dining room, back patio, and the eventual studio. On Monday, we saw turtles and ducks and some children rode by on their bikes laughing. It's very peaceful.
My primary residence will be in Salmon Arm and Howard's will be in Kamloops. We'll spend four days a week apart and three days -weekends - together. This is not a typical set-up for most married couples which is causing comment and while I know other people's opinions don't matter compared to what we think, the questions are still being asked although I must say that I find it interesting the lack of comments when I was here alone for weeks and months with three kids and Howard was on the road travelling. The details may have been different but the outcome was the same.
I've been answering - No, we are not separating. No, we are not getting a divorce. Yes, we do intend to spend time together. Yes, we do love one another. Yes, he does support this move and yes, we both feel positive about it. As I said before, things started to shift and it's as if God tapped me on the shoulder and said now... go... and a series of events clicked together BUT... they couldn't have clicked if I wasn't willing to make the steps. We have to take action for God to work through it.
Last week, in my spiritual study, the author talked about how when we are seizing a divine opportunity the giants start to seem so big and we feel so small but we have to keep going because we are doing what we are meant to be doing. Even when I'm terrified, I'm convinced that this is the right move. While packing, I had particular empathy for friends who have left their husbands. It's hard enough when you have support and you're only shaking up the way things are done. But... sometimes... shaking up is a good thing.
In my opinion a piece of paper, a ring, and a shared address do not a marriage make. I've met many couples who have that in common and that's all. They do not have a relationship that supports the best in each other. I want the best for Howard and he wants the best for me. This move is part of me being my best and about creating a path for change in Howard's life - change that he's already initiating and that will mean less is more for both of us. This is good. The last time we talked about less is more, change, and retirement, he said he was in too much pain to even think about it but if I made a move, he could follow me. VBG - I'm making a move.
The other question is yes, he is ill and no, I am not uncaring. If you have an ill partner, you understand how your life can become all about their illness. It's as if you too have disease X and it becomes critical to maintain your own interests and individuality. The care of the caregiver is vitally important and drastically undermined. For caregivers, it's nice when someone asks how we are before they ask how our partner is. It's nice when they care about whether you're holding it together and what kind of support you need before asking what your partner needs. And it's nice when they don't think you can actually be all things to your partner with no support of your own - as if one person had the energy to be two people - and when they understand that pursuing your own interests does not mean not supporting your spouse.
I find that women in particular are expected to rotate their lives around their ill male partner's life and there's a different perspective toward men with an ill female partner that is as inconsistent as me moving being a "bad thing" versus him travelling being a "good thing". It's as if when the woman is ill and the man is the caregiver that things are different - not always - but often - and much of the negativity comes from a surprising direction that has me concluding that one of the big problems with equality between the sexes is women who don't value themselves enough.
Talk soon - Myrna
Grateful - a solid house, a cute studio